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I love the music of the video above … it gives me a much needed peace of within heart,
as another storm approaches
these days I have been wandering down many paths of thoughts,
though drifting would probably be a better word.
I have stood on more than one of those infamous “cross-roads” 
which is turning into another life changing moment or perhaps life-altering moment?
  I have been back attempting to catch up on comments here,
but as each will give me pause to wander somewhere else,
I sit back today and realize how in awe I am of the incredible kindness I am shown here.
Which is also wrapped within patience that I am so grateful for …..
and I know the feeling of I matter
 a heartfelt Thank you from me to y’all for sticking with me here…
as once again I am turned upside down in my life’s journey
to begin a new direction because someone wants control ….
now where do I go? I have no clue,
I was set upon this new direction as I was writing and talking to an olde friend the other night,
words were flowing into lines of rhymes and verse flowed into curves of thoughts
within mind over matters
for once nothing was being fought,
no saving each other, no crashing and burning was to be had,
just simply enjoying the conversation…..
and then poof a switch was thrown that I would find out about later,
but as we said good night, I heard the music “somewhere in time”
I wondered if this moment of peace was to be short lived…
well I put the thought away as bringing into being creates the energy,
three days later I learned the fate of that thought….
so much for peace and goodwill towards mankind ….
the short note was filled with energy of one who just gives in to give up …
Yes I know, I could be wrong,but then I could be right,
for fear seeps out of nowhere and it can’t be hidden from someone who knows that person…
fear of displeasing someone to the extent they will bend and bow to the others control….
but then there is also denial on both parties and the blame is placed at my feet…
oh well…their lesson not mine, I accept none of the blame as I have done nothing wrong
I decided to keep the peace that was created,
I like it much better than the craziness of adults
telling who the other can be friends with,
what they can write..and the other gives in to the demands
and so on and on and on …
before anyone thinks I am judging either choice they make, know I am not,
I get curious of what makes one demand control, and the other gives away their power…
I always wonder what happened in the past that creates the lessons of the now…
and yes I know rhetorical questions with no
 answer to be found….but since I believe each one we encounter
has a piece that we need to help us learn our own lessons…not take theirs on, its theirs…
I will have my answer for me
so after a weekend with my grandchildren which was great!,
I am writing what I need to see for me for I know
there’s a plan somewhere to show me something important….
some I have written won’t see light, some will…
as the poem today was one I was writing as my friend and I talked…
I would have finished it then if I had known
it would be the last one I was allowed to bounce off their on thoughts…
as for me now, I let go and yes that quote comes to mind…
I will not go where I am not welcome and it was made pretty clear I’m not…..
so another lesson ? probably… so be it
and I will just wish them both well as each are a vital part of this ever growing circle of life….
each carry many pieces of someones life’s road to destiny…..
fear and control stops the evolving of another soul…
I have notice more are writing less, I wondered if that is the same energy
I feel to make me think and think before I write…..
so much is happening in the world today,
so much hurt on a personal level to a grand scale that seems
to be out of control, though under someones control from somewhere…
yet as this world turns,
the blame game is played and no one will take responsibility,
sometimes I want to just yell off the highest mountain  “STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 
it boggles my mind to think grown adults behave like spoiled brats that didn’t grow up
and pass this behavior as acceptable to the generations that are watching and learning from them…..
as with my personal path I can only give what I came to give and accept what I need to accept,
unless each let go of the need to create and control a perfect relationship, a perfect moment,
or a grander scale of thought a perfect world by their definition of a perfect world
we will all be a part of this repeating history…..
okay off the bandstand…
I send whispers that the world will wake up before all is lost
just me
for listening


from the darkest corner of the forest
comes the sound of silence
beckoning one to take notice
of the spirit residing within its perfect alliance
a challenge to face one’s fears
even when you think there are none
if you have ever cried a single tear
then there is at least one
behind you is the sound of rushing water
each step moves you deeper into your dark
the water’s rhythm calms each step so you will not falter
as you start these thoughts, leaning into the Oak’s sacred bark
one breath, one step towards the unknown
no yesterday, no tomorrow shall be in this present
letting go of thoughts that shroud what your heart truly owns
holding on to the desire to feel the love in this perfect moment
in this moment there will be no refuge within the heart’s desires fire
there is the awakening to the dangers of our journey
thriving while reaching towards what is to be, you shall aspire
becoming stronger from the adversity of this moment just to be free
each will face the fear or succumb to its control and power
deep inside that corner of the forest will define the direction of one’s cross-road
as each soul wanders in the silence of darkest of hours
looking up will show the light from the North node, the window of one’s soul
will you look or turn away
22 july 2014


I refuse

LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words:

Words of Wisdom from a Kindred Spirit Sister…
Joss always seems to know what I need to hear….
Her poetry is music to the Spirit of the Soul…Enjoy the Journey
It is wonderful energy to feel
Take Care…You Matter…

Originally posted on Crowing Crone Woman of Wisdom:

Super Moon Summer 2011

Super Moon Summer 2011

I refuse to do anything
but rejoice in each moment
of breath
I refuse to see anything
but miracles all around
each day
I refuse to get sucked into
negative shit
yours or mine
I will sing above
the sound of thunder
I will dance in the rain
I will run through the fire
I will exalt in HER love
For ME
I refuse to be quiet
to be silent
I will shout about HER
from the mountain top
from the valley
From deep within the cave
of your despair
I will overwhelm
your doubt
with my faith
SHE lives
SHE loves
And I

- Joss Burnel / poet, author

View original

I wished for that

_0_aaaaaMoonand Sun Togther

As I wandered in the twilight of dawn,

I looked for inspiration, seems my muse found someone else,

can that happen?

 Walking along my path I stopped to watch a pair of fawns playing,

chasing each other through the woods, their laughter was the sweetest sound I have ever heard,

it seemed to come straight from their hearts, they must have such innocent souls that they never lose.

Their mom stood in the shadows watching them, she was so still I almost missed seeing her,

but the moonlight was reflected in her eyes, and I saw what I think was a tear,

such love she had for her twins.

It was so powerful it took my breath away .

The geese were sleeping, heads tucked under their wings, quiet except for Boris

( the little one finally shared his name with me Wednesday)

he was making the softest chirping sound in his sleep….

I wondered if he was playing with angels .

one of the twins ( they are inseparable usually) stood guard over the flock while the

other twin slept right beside momma goose and Boris. As the peaceful energy of the twilight

shrouded the world, the sounds of the changing from night to day echoed like whispers,

I think they were coming from the leaves that were dancing

on the breeze. Breaking the quiet whispers came the song of a lone Cardinal calling his forever mate,

his song sang of their joined wisdom of being with the one that brings the light of creativity to each,

not sure why I thought that,

but since he flew to where I was standing, I took it as coming from him….

though I felt like my muse came back at that moment

Taking in another look of the fawns and geese,

and with the Cardinal flying next to me, I continued on my path,

the sun began His rise in the East, the skies turned to the softest hues of yellows, oranges

and blues stretching to the West.

The long thin clouds looked like they were fingers entwined in the colors,

as I watched they seemed to come from the Sun and touch the Moon,

holding Her before She could descend to the other side of the world

to sing Her lullabies within the night skies there.

I thought of their ancient love story watching the clouds and colors shift,

a rainbow like I had never seen before formed between

the moon and sun, connecting each to the other with the promise to continue.

A star fell through it and I had time to make a wish,

I thought I should go get my camera,

but then I would miss the energy of love passing between the sun and moon,

  a moment of now connecting within infinity…

what a love story they share, a true forever one…

I wished for that too….

yes I think my muse came back…Thank you….

_0aTransparent wishes on wings

twilight sounds

whisper down

on the wind

underneath the moon

connected by the sun

as night ends

and a new day has begun

echos within my heart

at this new dawns start

the sun’s strong arms

reach for the Moon’s heart

touching to reconnect

falling star to wish upon

as whispers sing

of a love song

passing between the lovers

of dawn’s day to within the fading night

He holds Her silver heart

She holds His amber light

forever touching in twilight

love graces all who see

and truly Believe

in their love through infinity

where dreams come true

yes I want a love like that too

we all do



13 july 2014





unjoined moments


unjoined moments
stretch far and wide before me
once connected by breath within
sharing wings to fly free

finished thoughts without words
continuous touch entwined with air
mind did feel, the heart was heard
compassion within love was shared

unjoined moments
whispers glide upon the wind
restless and moods of discontent
being told there is one, but heart knows no end

smile, ignore the pain
pretty mask cannot hide the soul’s  eyes
unhealthy is this game
for the heart cannot lie

unjoined moments
undefined thoughts
tired and spent
heart over mundane matters fought

creativity entwines within spirituality
not limits but exposing to self discovery
uniting with one of similar diversity
will bring about love with healing recovery

unjoined moments
content of heart stilled and silent
waiting for touching the sacred ground of hope’s intent
dancing across the skies, two stars begin their alignment

joined within moments
rise to heights unknown
once again to experience love’s intent
as each heart is the other’s infinite home

undefined moments
to be what is to be
whispers sent
joined, eternal souls again set free



6 july 2014

_0_aaaaabluerosegarlandgif          _0_twostarsalighned      _0_aaenergy

there is only a moment in time

to create memories to leave behind

don’t waste a single one

for they are from

where dreams together had begun

before time was sand in an hour

washed away with gentle Spring showers

coming around again in Winter’s December

for the heart to hold…to remember

for Autumn to fall within September

finding new memories to discover

while Summer dared to dream in peace-filled slumber

only a moment to love with all you are 

before rising to live again amongst the stars


just me in this moment



her life was not a waste…..

some of her choices within this life were wasted


though I know they were hers for this journey

and no one could walk them but herself alone


each time my sister stumbled her demons got a stronger hold on her,

my family have for such a long time expected “that phone call”

for my sister was a heroin addict as well other drugs and alcohol…

this did not make her an evil person, or full of sins, or tainted to be shunned,

it meant her soul was lost somewhere, and she was numb to life

because of it as I believe all lost souls are numb,

sometimes they can find life’s pulse again and sometimes they can’t,

it is not for us to judge or know their path in this lifetime.

as I sat with her the last night of her life here on earth,

I wandered through memories with her of the 51 years she was here,

not all were sad  for once she was a vibrant happy spirit, she worked hard,

and I do believe she cared deeper for humanity than anyone will ever know….

maybe the chaos and turmoil of humans was too much for her,

I will never know that either.

In our world when one stumbles..instead of a hand to lift,

most of the time humans use hands to hold a spirit down,

to always remind them of their mistakes,

their bad judgement and will judge them even in death. 


I have been trying and yes trying is the word, not attempt,

because I wanted that backdoor to fail in writing

where my heart and mind have been this past two months…

First I realized someone I thought who cared about me and

  I care deeply about them really had no time for me,

and I do not matter as I once did to them anymore, 

for there is no place for me in their “real life”.

Then I got that “phone call” two weeks ago today…

Every time I sat down to write I saw the arrogance,

the ego of how the words looked to me, my sister passed away

and all I am thinking of is my hurt, and it should be about her…

Then this morning as I watched the sun rise and thought of Kay,

I realized it is about me…

My writing is the words to the reactions of someones actions I felt as well as heard….

I think we all write bits and pieces of who we are and our emotions of the

moment are very much in between the lines.

For how can it not be,  it is one’s own energy writing or

the energy of something/someone passing through us,

it is taken in to us to  hear as thoughts of what your soul hears and feels…..

Yes..I know, I live in an imaginary reality,

I have been told many times…but don’t people write what their heart carries within?

My ramblings, poetry, stories are whispers of the wind that I am meant to hear,

as I pull them within, I decipher them to become parts of me

and sometimes ( I hope) those who read will relate to those moments too….

and know they are not alone and we all at one time or another feel alone


My last two weeks have been in a language of memories…..

of happiness…of incredible sadness,

a combination of my life entwined with my sister’s

as I held her hand for three days and after letting go,

the lessons of our shared life began to form memories…

After I came home to write the one person I always thought would be there,

I emailed them about my sister’s passing,

and I as I opened their email and read

“I am sorry for your loss, Take Care” I just sat there …

numb from the short cold, words, so distant, no compassion or empathy…

Yes I wrote back a snippy comment…and then the silence began….

wondering, stumbling from being blindsided again…

who am I ? and then I knew my love would never be good enough

and my love would have no chance…

No, I didn’t ask the “Why me”  or why my sister did what she did,

or why I don’t matter, I wanted to know what do this moment,

later I had that melt down, but got it out of my system,

and was met with silence which seems to be punishment for not conforming…

I know one day I will have the answers for me, for my sister,

but for now…

I am here for my kids, grandkids as well as my sisters kids and grandkids…

and I know most will think I will fail at it,

but I don’t care enough anymore to think about others and their judgements of me….

my last words to my sister was to be here for her children….

I am not sure about other places in the world but in my world your word is your honor,

your integrity in living color, when I make a promise I keep it,

for it is not done so lightly or frivolously in passing to appease someone for just a moment or two…


The ugly side of addictions and death always seem taboo subjects…..

no one wants to know,its as if they can avoid death if they ignore it and the subject…

everyone has the same destiny from first breath comes death,

it is the only thing that does not change in anyone’s journey…

The lessons in addictions are usually hard and long, and drugs nor alcohol will

never enters all walks of life,

to attempt to control it is like throwing lighter fluid on an already out of control fire…

accepting the demon of addiction is the first step to undoing and banishing it…

I know from personal experiences, for in my background I have the drug that took my sister…

I have been clean and sober since November 26th 1976…

mine was not rehab, nor slowly stepping out of it,

mine was walking home one night in Germany after guard duty,

a party if full mode at my apartment, everyone in various degrees of being stoned and drunk…

and some other things that made me make that moment a life changing choice,

I knew there was more to life…after getting some clothes, I turned around without a word to anyone

and left that world….I have never had even the slightest desire to go back,

yes there are days I would like to chunk the world and lessons and say

“I could back to the world of numb”

but I know that will not ever happen….


My Sister could not do that, her addictions and I say addictions for she had many,

when she would finish one rehap, then there was the self help, then gambling,

the alcohol, being saved by what ever religion caught

her attention at that moment to save her,

it was always an extreme with her in each of these roads,

there didn’t ever seem to be a balance, a knowing she was strong enough to save herself…

Most of life she always was smiling, she showed love around her,

yes there was the anger and aggressive sides,

some days she was calm, some days a tornado twisting and tearing everything in her path…

Always fighting demons…..every minute, every breath she took they were present… 

Years ago I made peace with myself..I could not help her nor save her,

for even though at one time I knew those demons, it was her own path….not mine…

Yes she understood that about me, and still she loved me as I love her,

just most of the time from a distance.


When  I went up North to the hospital, I thought I was ready for anything,

for I had seen so much destruction with drugs over the years, including my husbands addictions…

Nothing can prepare someone from witnessing the total consumptions of demons

taking a human body from the inside out…

She had used an unclean needle, and did not know

or care enough to take care of the infection that started,

it went racing through her body and blood like liquid poison,

which it is…entering her organs and heart chambers,

her skin showed the gangrene that was racing rampant and out of control,

her arm and legs had no blood pulse

and would have to be amputated as well as going on kidney dialysis…

Her daughter and son were numb…

no words can describe the pain they were in, I won’t even attempt to…

My heart broke in the pieces that were left watching them…yes they are adults but no one

should have to have the burden to make life and death decisions…

we quietly and with heavy hearts agreed to no more surgeries….

after the day of so much pain and sadness, everyone left but me…

I stayed her last night with her, holding her handing, talking to her ,

and even though she was in the twilight state,

I knew she was there, for she squeezed my hand and tears ran freely down her cheeks…

I talked of the memories of 51 years of her life with me…

We decided long ago that we would be cremated,

I wanted to be part of the winds whispers I have heard all me life,

and she wanted to have the stairway to heaven

from being on the wind, not the stairway to hell if buried…..

yes we had always known what we would do…

6am came and I had to leave, (doctor time)with a I love you and goodbye

I left I knew I would not ever see her again here on earth,

and I knew she would be on her long journey of healing,

becoming the Spirit she once upon a time was…

That was the longest goodbye I have ever felt…

within reaching the hotel my niece called me, she wanted to know what happened…

when I left Kay was stable as stable as she could be…

The doctors told her daughter within about five minutes of my leaving, she started shutting down…

I hurried back and the decision was made to turn off the machines that lived not her…

as her son and daughter held each,  my daughter stood silently crying,

I went downstairs to be with my grandchildren so my nieces fiance could be there for her too…

I had already said my goodbye…

as I walked away for the last time I wondered how silent tears could be so loud…

My sister passed away within a few minutes, though it seemed like a lifetime……

My nephew came down to tell me… no words were necessary…..

Kay was finally on her healing journey and we were just beginning ours

  we hadn’t found the language to this new lesson…

but I have such faith in life, I know we will…


The aftermath of drugs unrelenting destructive path takes a heavy toll…

the price is not only paid by the one taking them, but also the ones who love them

and can do nothing but watch them spiral time and time out of control…

We will never know the silent pain of Kay’ s life,

I am not sure she even understood them herself…we can only love them…

accept them….not judge

One can only fix them self, when we hit bottom we can face the demons

and acknowledge them as part of that dark side of human,

or we can ignore them in which they will grow and be the ones in control…

it is always about free will…choices we make….


Kay’s grandchildren will never know the sister I knew,

the “before” spirit that loved life….I will tell them those stories…


Thank you for listening, this real life can be hard to hear….

Thank you Amy for all the emails…

your words have given me much to think on…

You, My Kindred Sister are one special LadyPinkRose..

Life is for the living…not existing in limbo…Live it within the Grace of knowing it begins even after it ends…





My sister’s name was Kay….
she was a beautiful spirit that got lost
and couldn’t find her way back
she paid such a high cost

no one will ever know how or when
the demons inside did begin
we can only know what we see
I now know her soul is free
and that’s okay
May she find the peace she lost here
May she finally see love in its glory

and know she sleeps with the angels at last

finding that peace she never knew here
july 7, 2014



ShadowKeeper Will You Hold My Heart….. _Astarwhitesparkle

Shadow Keeper will You hold my Heart
Promise to take care of it while I fall apart
I may need it again one day, I’m not sure anymore
for what I thought was opened freely  is now a closed door
Shadow Keeper will you hold my Spirit too
for in this confusion in my mind I don’t know what to do
it seems to be fading back into the abyss, not seeing any light
I need to find my way out of this darkest of nights
Shadow Keeper will You Hold my Soul
for it is broken apart no longer whole
Promise to handle it gently for it is who I am
it holds my world within its hologram
Shadow Keeper will you take and hold my Memories
it hurts to much to see what was meant to Be
I have failed somehow, stumbled along the way
for the Silence is slowly driving me sane
Shadow Keeper I need Your help tonight
for I am not sure what is real or what is right
so if you will, hold these small treasures of my life
I am not sure how long it will take to get through this darkest of nights
_0aTransparent wishes on wings

a moment


with no where to turn

the quiet hurt is the worst

overwhelmed within this realm


finding a moment of peace

strife within this life

is slowly released
as the heart crumbles and falls

invisible hands hold the pieces…all

slowly…to be disassembled, dissected, dissolved


as the mind gives in and gives up

invisible hands surround them with unconditional love and trust

letting the spirit flow in silence and continue its journey to evolve


in a moment of peace

I breathe

to be just me



3 june 2014


may,26,2014 003
a moments decision,
not necessarily thought through
for as I watched him,
I didn’t really know what to do
he lay there in the lull of the raging storm,
so cold,so thoroughly wet,
in my heart I knew I had to get him dry and warm
I knew not doing something,
I would always regret 
a feeling of urgency set within
my un-thought plan
in that moment did begin
I knew Gaia  would understand
wrapping him in towels
so much easier to hold
to quickly get him dry
his little body shivering he was so cold
were those tears in his eyes,
they were…oh how he did cry
I felt as if his heart
was breaking in two
scared to be with me
even if just for a while
he was no longer really free
so began a day of trial for both of us, really all of us
for the flock had to have in me an unconditional trust
1 June 2014
sometimes we make decisions on impulse and hope for the best, last week the storms dumped 18 inches of rain on my property, much needed rain, and how I enjoyed it, walking and planting in the pouring elixir of the Gods… during one of the lulls I saw Mother Goose panicking over her two goslings, one was soaked face down in the mud, he was hurt and couldn’t stand so the water was rushing over him, his mom was trying to get him to stand but he couldn’t. I don’t know alot about geese, I learn daily what they teach me, but I knew then he was drowning if he could not stand. He was making the saddest soft chirping sound, and his mom was so upset. She pushed him over to me, rubbed up against me ( trust me, she is usually trying to goose me !) so I felt she wanted me to help. So I did..I took him inside my cottage, dried him, wrapped him in my housecoat with me and got him warm. The warmer him got, the more he said in his sleep, and the four adults and his sibling came to stand on the porch . They stayed for about an hour, I went to get peas and corn for him and fresh water.
Mother Goose let me pet her ( another rare moment!)  and then they headed out the open. they cannot stand under anything with lightning I have learned. The gosling only got up twice the next 5-6 hours to drink a little water. I wasn’t sure if I should keep him inside over the night, but each time he got up to drink, he was limping really bad, and he tried to move his little wing and it hurt him so I decided I would…It was the first long night. He would eat til the next morning, and started walking more. his mom and family came to check on him, I took him out so his mom could see him…she nuzzled him, and they left. At first I thought I had imprinted him and she wouldn’t take him back, so I had another day and night of being with him, the stronger he got the more he sang, I had him in my bath tub for that night, oh how he sang LOLs. My grandkids thought I should have video’d him sing as he looked like a rubber duck  :)  but technology and me don’t go well together…The next morning he was singing LOUDLY and as I went to go feed the zoo, I saw Mother Goose and PopsII standing at the gate, Maya was watching them ( she’s my wolf) and as I opened the door, I swear I heard her tell me the goslings parents were sad and it was okay to let him go to them…I have a tendency to listen to the animals around here so…I did…he still limped a little, and I was concerned about his mom rejecting him, but she was SOOO excited !…She covered him in kisses and off they went to the feeding area…Very relieved, I went on with feeding, when I got over to where they were, they all turned and stood very still, mom and pops came over ( I just knew I was about the be goosed!) but they just stood on either side of me as if showing me they were okay with me and their gosling was okay….Oh they still honk at me and goose but not as hard…and the gosling and his/her sibling come up on the porch and sit with me, the family is close by but they seem okay….The little one is still limping a little again, but I told his mom to slow down on the all day treks!…
She seems to have listened ( hopefully )
I enjoyed all the rain, I am so grateful for it here in Texas….we needed it very much. I got lots of planting done in it, and more quilting done, and for those who read about the carousel horse, it has been sanded and started over…Learning to paint is hard work,well for me, so it will be a little different than I intended it ….I am enjoying the paints though, so I may keep at it a while…..DreamWalker Sue and John over at StoryDoors are my inspirations..They have both given me some great tips and advise, though I am not sure they realize it ..
Check their blogs out, you will enjoy …
Now …
rambling on Sunday morning coming down is done  :)
and I will be out the door to the gardens, or just sitting on the porch quilting
it is a perfect Blue-sky day,
and the energy is full of soft echoing whispers…
I Wish for everyone a Beautiful Peace-filled day of Bliss…
Take Care…Y’all Matter!
just me
(and a Thank you to Philip for listening to my rambling on about the gosling, he understood perfectly :) )




a day of respect

in quiet reflection

for each of those who gave their all

who answered a different call

not yours to judge or know

only theirs to take that road

Today keep out the politics and hate

behind this sacred lands gate

whether you understand why or agree

If for only today let them Rest in Peace





shadows of trees
dance across the ground
in between the sun peeking out
from behind the clouds
closer I look, the more I see
constant motion aground
without making a sound
leaves ripple like pebbles on a lake
twigs making signs
for us to contemplate
some branches sway
to the winds music that plays
while others stand perfectly still
a lone white rain lily
shimmers in the grey day
of possible rain
Cardinals sing their sweetest song
young Blue Jays explore the world
playing chase all morning long
the worlds goes on
as the winds blow
from South to North
keeping sacred whispers on course
I hope to hear one from my friend
(perhaps a blue feather you’ll send)
who is now riding the wind
she left this sacred land she loved
to venture to the heavens above
she was a Shaman, a wild woman
a free spirit that walked on her own
bowing to no man, healing bodies and souls
she lived very much within life’s flow
knowing her for many many years
one cannot help but shed a river of tears
she will be missed greatly by me and many others
for she was a blessing in our lives like no other
I light a candle and whisper on the wind
May you have a wonderful flight my dear Friend,
Take Care Ms Boudreau for You Matter more
You will be remembered here as your new journey takes you away to explore
_0_aaSingle RainLily



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